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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911546">Kokoro Wo Nani Ni Tatoe You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/playful_possum/pseuds/playful_possum'>playful_possum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hyuuga Neji Lives, Other, also hinata/neji sibling dynamic, fuck kishi, himawari exists but naruto is not dad, hinata being a confident single mother, its mostly like remembering the fucking with rose tinted glasses bc neji is simping, no boruto i guess who cares, well not a whole lot of smut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:34:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,186</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/playful_possum/pseuds/playful_possum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>so this was supposed to be straight up nejiten smut but uhhhhhh 10 pages deep i realized thats NOT what is was and so we are here.</p><p>tldr; neji and tenten had a friends with benefits situation that, due to their feelings for each other, starts to sour. enjoy emotional hyjinks and miscommunication misunderstandings, my favorite flavor combo</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hyuuga Neji &amp; Tenten, Hyuuga Neji/Tenten</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kokoro Wo Nani Ni Tatoe You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>fair warning there is just a tiny pinch of explicitness-- neji thinking back on his sexy situations with tenten a few times and also, later on, them discussing it and tenten being crass about it bc i hc her as loud and with a sailors mouth. i also hc her as kinda swole so just. uh do with that what u will</p><p>also im playing fast and loose with the timeline. this is a few years after the last great war, neji survived but was wounded pretty bad. i hc that all of team gai is traumatized from neji almost dying, though it doesnt come up in this fic</p><p>title is from a ghibli movie!! can you guys guess which one?</p><p>not beta read</p><p>comments and kudos are love!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Look, here’s the thing-- he and Tenten’s relationship is… it’s difficult and awkward to describe. Because he loves her. He loves her so much that he’s afraid that it’ll burst right out of him, sometimes. He loves the way she grins at him after a hard fought mission, or an exhausting training session, he loves the way she looks when they’re deployed and have to wake up early, her hair long, thick and curly down her back, her eyes crusted with sleep and voice raspy, her usual Konohan dialect slipping into something much more casual and country. He loves her pout, when she’s annoyed with him, he loves how she mothers over him-- over Lee, and Sensei, too-- though she’d deny it to her deathbed.</p><p>He loves the things she doesn’t love about herself, too, and the things that his family says he shouldn’t love about her. Her brash nature, straightforward and honest. Her undeniable physical strength that puts her on par with many of the male ninja of their class. She’d confessed to him, once while he was walking her home after a dinner they and several (but not all) of their former class had together,</p><p>“It’s not as though I hate how I look, or that I wish to be some wispy little thing.” She’d said, sake on her breath and a little more tipsy than Neji himself was. </p><p>“I’m proud of it, of how hard I worked to get here. But, all the same,” She had sighed, melancholy. </p><p>“Sometimes, it would be nice to be a little bit like Sakura, or Ino. Even Temari. They’re all so…” She waved her hand about, and he didn’t quite understand, because to him Tenten was, perhaps, the most beautiful thing on the planet-- he’d think that no matter what her physique was, no matter what her hair or eyes or hips looked like.</p><p>“And I’m just… me, y’know?” She’d continued, unknowing of Neji’s internal struggle. He’d only ‘hmm’d, hand on her elbow correcting her walk so she didn’t lose her footing in a jagged crack in the concrete. They weren’t… well. Tenten would say ‘fucking’. He’d… rather not call it that. It sounds crass, like he doesn’t care about her, like he’s using her for a means to an end.</p><p>Regardless, they weren’t having relations at that time, and Neji wasn’t brave enough to tell her in that moment how deeply he felt. Not that he wanted to do it like this, anyway, when she was half a bottle of sake deep and he himself was buzzed on something a little less strong.</p><p>“You shouldn’t envy them. I think you’re fine as you are.” He’d elected to say, and she groaned, dramatically, head flopping back and rolling around until she was looking forward again.</p><p>“Yeah, <i>you</i> think that. And that’s, y’know, fine. But no meat-head nin wants to be with somebody who not only <i>could</i> beat them into the dirt, but actually looks like it, too.” <i>I do.</i> “I mean, we all know Temari is leagues above Shikamaru’s jutsu, but she’s… she’s got muscle, like I do, but it’s not obvious; plus she’s got a pretty face.”</p><p>“You have a pretty face, too. Way prettier than any other woman in the village.” And that there, that was the catalyst that started all of… this. She stopped walking, and he stopped because she stopped, and he didn’t <i>mean</i> to say that, maybe he was more drunk than he realized, and she was looking at him, puzzled, and--</p><p>Well.</p><p>When they got to her apartment, she invited him up. That, in itself, was’t uncommon.</p><p>The sex sure was, though.</p><p>--</p><p>He almost wished he was drunk enough to forget about it, because once he’s had a taste, he’s <i>starving</i> for it again. He knows that he shouldn’t, and that he should leave it. That next morning Neji had awoken before she did, and he snuck his way out, to make it less awkward for Tenten, who he was sure didn’t feel for him as he did her. Surely it has been just a lust thing. She’d had a few failed dates only a few weeks prior, and she was probably frustrated, they were both intoxicated, and Neji was <i>there</i> and he was… so weak, for her.</p><p>They saw each other again, later that day, and Tenten acted as though Neji didn’t know what she tasted like, like he didn’t know what her breathless mewls sounded like as she came from his mouth and tongue, like he didn’t drink her up like a man dying. As if she didn’t know what <i>he<i> sounded like, pushing inside of her tight warmth for the first time, connected in a way Neji had only dreamed about since he was fifteen.</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i> And that was fine, he decided, because they couldn’t be anything, anyway. The family forbade him from seriously pursuing somebody as lowborn as Tenten was, he’d be disowned from them if he disobeyed. And while that part didn’t bother him as much as it should have; without his family name and his holdings in the branch part of the estate, he wouldn’t have anything to give her. No name, no honor, none of the wealth of the Hyuga. He couldn’t do that to her, even if she wanted him in the way he selfishly wanted her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Even elite ninja as they were, they would struggle, for a long time. He didn’t have any savings and Tenten barely made rent most months. If they had children, they would be the children of the <i>forsaken Hyuga</i>. He’s seen how horrible children could be to one another. <i>He</i> was horrible himself, to Hinata-sama, his teammates, back then. He knows how children and adults alike treated Naruto, even, and kids of similar standing. He wouldn’t want that for his own.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>And so, it’s a one night stand, he tells himself. A one night stand with the love of his life; a one night stand that wholly and completely ruined him for anybody else for the all of time, but a one night stand, nevertheless. And, well, that’s what he thought. Until about a week later, after a sparring session when Tenten just <i>stares</i> at him and invites him back to her apartment to cool down, unable to keep her hunger from dripping into her voice and when they get there they don’t even make it to the den before Tenten drops to her knees and asks him a simple, “Ya wanna’?” and he… once again, is so, so weak for her, and for anything she elects to give him.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>--</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It starts a pattern, then. When Neji is in town-- because he’s a very busy Jonin despite the peacetimes, and Tenten has taken a somewhat less active role to focus on her weapons shop-- they’ll have a drink together at a cafe or lunch or whatever, and that leads to taking a walk around the city, which circles back to Tenten’s apartment, which ends up with him, usually, on his back while Tenten takes what she wants from him. And he doesn’t mind one bit, not really. Because he, in those moments, is the one holding her hips, is the one making her moan, is the one making her feel good.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It… well, he would be lying if it didn’t make him at least a <i>little</i> proud. Because Tenten, clearly, enjoys herself; he usually can get her to peak at least two times, sometimes three, if she feels up for it and let’s him worship her the way he wishes he could every time. She never offers for him to stay, afterwards, and he never brings it up. That… usually takes his post-orgasm high away, if he’s being honest. Because Tenten looks radiant, breathtaking, sitting on the side of the bed with her back to him, and the urge to touch is so <i>primal</i>. The skin of her back is smooth, and flawless, save for a smattering of freckles on her shoulders and a handful of little, dark moles peppered here and there. He yearns to kiss them, draw patterns and constellations on her skin just because he wants to, because he loves her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Gods, how he <i>aches</i> for her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As he gets up, gets dressed and prepares himself for the walk of shame out of her apartment, he thinks that maybe, perhaps, he has gotten himself into a hole he won’t be able to climb himself out of.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>--</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It comes to a head nearly a full year after the whole thing started. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He’s with Hinata-sama, actually; she just had her first child only a month prior, a beautiful little girl that Neji hadn’t been able to see until now because he’d been out on mission. He can already tell, with her feathery, dark hair and big, bright eyes; she’s going to look just like her mother. There is no co-parent, which is something Neji had been worried about, but Hinata had assured him that it was fine, that while it wasn’t conventional, it’s what she wanted, and that she was prepared. She wanted a child and wasn’t going to wait for a man to give it to her. And, besides, she always had her nii-san to help out, if she needed it, Hinata had said, and Neji pretended like that didn’t make him feel all warm and fuzzy in the way that only family can make you feel.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Sakura has made truly amazing leaps in medical science, and with pushing for equality among the female ninjas and townspeople alike. All the girls from their class had some hand in that, he thought, if he was remembering correctly. Even he helped Sakura draft a proposal, a few years ago.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re more, y’know. Eloquent. With your fancy upbringing. In any case, your way more help than my idiot friends could ever be.” She had joked with him, and he had graciously helped to the best of his ability. He was proud to say he had a part in Konoha’s social change-- even if it was just a small one. And now, years down the line, it was possible for an unwed kunoichi--or civilian--to have an anonymous sperm donor and get pregnant on their own terms, without the need for a husband and without the stigma of an unfortunate one night stand.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“What are you going to name her?” Neji asked, adjusting the bundle in his arms and knowing then, already, that he'd gladly lay down his life for her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Himawari.” Hinata answered in her quiet way, padding out of the kitchen with a bottle.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Here, try feeding her. I’ll show you how.” Hinata had sat beside him, guided his hands and instructed him on how to angle the bottle so that Himawari wouldn’t drink too fast. It was… nice. A quiet, calm moment between them, and the comfort of family-- something his younger self thought he’d never have again. They chatted idly, but sparingly, not wanting to wake up the baby. It wasn’t until Hinata had put Himawari in her crib for the night that she elected to speak of different matters.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Neji-nii, I wanted to speak with you about something.” He himself was in the process of making them some tea, and he hummed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Of course. You can always tell me anything.” Hinata was fidgeting, when he turned towards the table to pour their cups. While she certainly wasn’t the withdrawn, shy and anxious thing of her youth anymore, twiddling her hands and dipping her head were two things she never really grew out of. Hinata took a deep breath, as if to center herself, and inclined her head back up to look at him.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m worried about you.” And that--wasn’t quite what he expected. His brows furrowed while he attempted to come up with a reason for her worry.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s… been several years since the war, Hinata-sama, and I’m perfectly well. I know that it was a close call, but--”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“That’s not it.” She cut him off, and he silenced himself, waiting on her to continue.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re… not quite yourself, lately. You’ve been isolating yourself and distracted-- Lee-san told me today that during your mission, you were brought down by an attack that shouldn’t have even touched you.” Neji felt his jaw clench, the stitches crawling across the length of his ribs itching. He took a sip of his tea, unsure what to say or how to approach this.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Lee-san also let it slip to me, accidentally, that you and Tenten-san, um.” And now she was <i>blushing</i>, clearly avoiding his gaze, and Neji closed his eyes, wishing that the floor would swallow him whole.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I--I’m not trying to meddle, really, you can do whatever you want, obviously, um, but. I--It’s just that. You’ve kind of been acting this way, um. Since you both…” Now they were both flustered, both Hyuga’s sporting bright red cheeks and Gods, if anybody was going to give him an intervention or whatever, did it really have to be his <i>sister</i>?</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Please don’t be angry with Lee-san! It wasn’t his fault, he’s just worried, and since you and I are so close, he thought, maybe, I could help. Or that you would talk to me, about it.” Neji sighed. He wasn’t angry, really. He knew his friends had good intentions, and Hinata was right. He shouldn’t have been hit by that Wind Demon Shuriken, it was easily avoidable, but he’d been absent the whole damn fight because he and Tenten had an argument--a bad one-- before he left and. He took a sip, and sighed again. He really was going to die if things stayed the same.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I got angry with Tenten, before I left for that mission. We had a rather… heated argument, and it distracted me on the mission.” Hinata looked somewhat surprised, as if she didn’t really expect Neji to say anything. But then her eyes softened and she became less flushed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“What did you fight about?” She had enough spats with Naruto before their inevitable break-up, and while she could admit that she and the now-current-Hokage were doomed from the start, she didn’t think her brother’s relationship was. Maybe she really could help.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s…” Neji groaned, and thunked his head down on the table, foot tapping against the tile of the kitchen irritably.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We’re not dating. It’s not like… she’s my girlfriend. We’re… friends with benefits, I guess? I don’t know.” Neji raised his head back up to explain, and it made her cringe. Anybody with eyes could see how they feel about each other; she’s not shocked this turned messy. He had abandoned his tea, his hands now on either side of his head, fingers in his hair and elbows on the table.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I got annoyed at her for treating it less like I felt it was, and she got annoyed back at me for insinuating that it was more than it started out being. We yelled back and forth at each other about it, for a while. We said some really, really nasty things to each other.” He groaned, head falling forward again and pillowing itself in his arms. He, ashamed, felt his eyes sting.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“<i>I</i> said some really, really nasty things, Hinata-sama.” He had to stop, because he could feel his throat constricting.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Do you think that she’s remorseful, too?” Hinata asked, after a few beats a silence.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m… not sure. Most likely, yes. She often is repentant when her temper flares like that-- like I am, I suppose.” He sniffed, somewhat put back together as he raised his head.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I want to apologize, but I want her to apologize, too. More than anything I just...I love her, Hinata-sama, I love her so much, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Hinata took a second, chewing on her lip.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“If she felt the same, would you pursue her? Father would never approve; he’d ask you to choose one or the other. Would you… choose her, over your name?” And, naturally, Hinata knew how Tenten felt already, because Tenten had come to her nearly a week after that fight, spitting mad about ‘damn fucking <i>Hyugas</i>, shit’ and ‘thank god you’re not like that please tell me how to deal with him’ that, after about an hour of raging to their girl group, morphed into ‘ive really done it hes bound to hate me now’ and ‘please tell me how the fuck to fix this hes everything to me, i cant let him know’. Pretty dramatic-- but Tenten often was when she got emotional. For all her whining about her Sensei and Lee, she really could be just as bad as both of them. Regardless, Ino and Sakura had fun watching while Hinata just tried to calm her and to get her to stop saying things like ‘just because he gives great fucking dick doesn’t mean--’ She almost couldn’t belive <i>that’s</i> the person her brother fell in love with. Opposites attract, she guesses.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I…” He looked uncertain.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I wouldn’t want to lose you, Hinata-sama.” She smiled at that.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You won’t. I’ll always be your family, Neji-nii, no matter what my father says.” Neji still looked pretty emotional, eyes wet and cheeks red. She vaguely realized that he must’ve come here straight from his mission, because he still has speckles of dried blood on him and he looks exhausted; tired and pale.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Go talk to her. Apologize. She will, too.” Hinata gently nudged, standing up and going around to pull Neji up as well.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re… sure?” He looks at Hinata, then, and Neji isn't called a genius for nothing. He sees her confidence and realizes that she knows something he doesn’t, which means that Lee wasn’t the only one to talk with her. She nods and Neji, suddenly, urgently, feels deep in his bones, that he needs to see Tenten.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>--</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He’s filthy, really, after a month on the road and a handful of close proximity fights. He ought to stop at home, at least shower, but he’s wasted enough time already and he needs to say what he needs to say. Hinata’s confidence in him helped him make his decision-- the decision he should’ve made long ago. If Tenten felt the same, truly, and she would be with him even if he didn’t have anything, even if he was cast aside by his own blood… he was still a little conflicted. Horribly so.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He didn’t want Tenten stuck with somebody who had no clan standing, no safety net. But, well. They had Lee, didn’t they? And Sensei and, by extension, Kakashi Sensei, as well, the two almost never seen without the other. And he had Hinata-sama, who had Naruto’s favor--even if they weren’t together anymore, they still remained close. And Tenten, of course, had a great many friends in the village, half of which <i>he</i> didn’t even know.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Maybe he had been wrong, all this time.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>So deep in thought, he didn’t quite realize that he’d made it to Tenten’s until he was walking down the apartment hallway and could feel her chakra signature from in her unit. Warm, energetic, active; she was awake, moving around. Neji breathed deep, and got to her door. Her chakra had stilled-- she’d noticed him, now that he was close. He didn’t bother knocking; she opened the door only a few seconds after he’d come to a stop on her doormat.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Gods, you look like <i>shit</i>. Did you just now get back? Geeze, you’re a total case.” Was the first thing she said to him, all faux annoyance and bravado. Still, she pulled him in and he let her. He was struck dumb by her, as he usually was, and rendered silent; Tenten beautiful and natural in a plain black tee that fell to her knees-- his tee. That was his tee. When did he leave that here? He shook his head minutely, getting back to the issue at hand: figuring out what to say and how to say it as Tenten maneuvered him into her bathroom, sitting him on the toilet seat and stripping him from the waist up.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“What the fuck is <i>this</i>?” She sounded outraged, eyes zeroing in on his new line of stitches across the right side of his ribcage. She squatted, to inspect it closer, slapping his arm away when he, childishly, tried to cover it from her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“This mission wasn’t even an S rank. How did you get a swipe like that?” She was looking at him, all intense and serious. All Neji can think is how warm her hand is where it’s resting on his thigh and how he wants her to keep looking at him for the all of forever. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Rogue nin got a lucky shot.” He explains, and she jolts at that, eyes going wide.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“People don’t get lucky shots on you, Neji, rogue nin or not.” And, well. She was right. It certainly hasn’t happened before, not from a mission as simple as this last one.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I was… distracted, in a way I’m usually not. It was my fault for not paying attention.” And that-- her face falls, loses some of its harshness, because she knows instantly why he was distracted. Her face pinches, and Neji can see where she’s chewing on the inside of her lip in thought.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>It’s quiet, after that. She tends to his wounds, best she can. They don’t really need it, the most major hurt was what was already cleaned and stitched. It just made Tenten feel better, to patch him up like this and dab alcohol on his scratches. He’d be lying if he said that it didn’t relax him a bit, as well. He’d been lulled into a somewhat pliant state while she worked, with just the buzz of the bathroom light above them and the soft clinking and sloshing of the alcohol as Tenten worked, the both of them knowing they need to talk but not really knowing how to go about it, unwilling to shatter the fragile peace that had settled.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m sorry.” Tenten breaks the ice first, using a washcloth dipped in warm water to clean the blood from around his stitches.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I shouldn’t have… attacked you, the way I did. It wasn’t fair. So. I’m sorry, that I was a dick. And that I hurt you.” She looked up at him, and her eyes were shiny. He knew the tears wouldn’t fall, because Tenten wasn’t a crier. Ever. He can’t honestly remember a time she’s cried to him about something--well. Forgoing the time right after the war had concluded and he’d woken up in a hospital bed. That wasn’t… he doesn’t count that. He breaths out a long sigh he didn’t realize he’d been holding since she started speaking.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“That’s alright. I apologize as well. I woke up in a bad mood that day, and took it out on you and burdened you with feelings that you didn’t need to know about. I wasn’t fair to you, either.” Tenten still looked somewhat stricken.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“But, I…” He paused, taking the washcloth from Tenten’s hand and tossing it in the sink, cupping her hand in his two palms. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You still need to know how I feel.” He could feel his throat constrict, and he repeated a mantra of <i>don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry</i> in his head. Maybe he should… just say it. Rip it off, like a kunai stuck in the thigh. The slower he goes, the more it’ll hurt.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I love you. Tremendously so, Tenten. I wake up every morning thinking of your smile, and go to sleep every night counting down the hours until I can see you again. I could not, would not, be the man I am today if not for your friendship. I suppose, in Lee’s words, you are my most precious person.” He tried to lighten the mood, just a bit, and he was pleased to see her crack a watery smile, small as it was.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“That being said, I can no longer keep doing what we’re doing. I had thought previously, that to never touch you the way I wanted, and to never kiss you, to always keep you at arms length-- I thought that was pain. But that has nothing on the agony that it is to know you intimately, to taste you and feel you and hear you as a lover but be forced apart after it’s over. I--” He hadn’t realized his own tears had fallen until Tenten’s free hand was on his cheek, stroking them away.</i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I have always, will always, be weak to you. But this is the one thing I must deny you, Tenten. I can’t do it anymore. I just-- I can’t. I’m sorry.” He concluded miserably, looking down at the girl still kneeling on the floor. Her head had dropped between her shoulders and after a moment Neji realized that she was-- she was <i>shaking</i>, trembling.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Tenten?” He hedged, dipping a bit to try and catch her eye. She pulls her hand from his grasp, as well as takes back the one on his cheek, and balls them into fists, rubbing furiously at her eyes.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“So, so <i>stupid</i>,” she hiccuped and Neji’s heart stutters at her wobbly tone, reaching out to cup her cheek and turn her face up to him. He is astonished to see her sobbing; fat, hot tears rolling down her flaming cheeks. He’s never seen her like this before, and it takes only a second for him to decide that he never, ever wants to see it again. He drops to his own knees, pulling her into him and ignoring the twinge in his side. She cries into his neck for a little while, while Neji does his best to console her--but he’s never been good at this, and it feels awkward, so he just… holds her, and rubs her back, and hopes it helps, a little. It’s a good fifteen minutes before she calms enough to speak.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’ve b-been so foolish, Neji. I thought--” She pulls back from him, just so, sniffling. “I-I knew that, with how your family is, that we could never--” This seems to upset her some more, and he watches her fight with her emotions, rubbing her eyes raw when more tears threaten to leak.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I knew we didn’t have a future together, a-and I would never, ever ask you to choose b-between your family, or me. T-That’s not right.” She rubs snot from her nose. Neji reaches behind him, grabs some toilet paper and folds it up neatly, dabbing at the corners of her weeping eyes. She sniffles again.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“But after that first night, after the dinner, it was like… I finally had you, y-y’know? And it wasn’t really the way I wanted, but it was close enough, and I thought, stupidly, that… at least I could have that. I could, for a little while, pretend like we were something that we weren’t. I could pretend like you loved me.” Neji feels his heart <i>shatter</i>, right into a million little pieces. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“The morning after, you <i>left</i>.” And Tenten is, suddenly, angry.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You left and I thought that, well, you didn’t want anything real, and I couldn’t really blame you, but still. You could’ve, at least, left a note, or-or woken me up, just to say goodbye, but you didn’t. I woke up hungover, filthy, and alone. Can’t you imagine how that made me feel?” And Neji feels like crying all over again. He never even bothered to think of it from her perspective, not once did that thought enter his head. In trying to look out for her, he’d only hurt her more.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“And I wanted to leave it there. I was hurt, and I wanted to be angry-- and I was, I am, don’t misunderstand--but more than anything I was just… fuck, Neji, I was <i>horny</i>. It was so good that night and I figured I’d try to see if you’d want to do it sober, and you did, and then before I knew it… it was like a <i>thing</i> and I couldn’t stop. I was… selfish.” She sighed, big and long, her shoulders slumping. She looked exhausted, leaning herself back against the bathroom wall.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m… so sorry. I didn’t--I never wanted to hurt you that way. I had thought that you didn’t feel for me the way I do for you, and I wanted to save you from the morning-after awkwardness that came with those types of things.” Tenten hummed at his explanation, once again biting at the inside of her mouth.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We’re… kinda stupid, huh?” She finally huffed, and for the first time since they started this conversation, Neji had a little bit of hope.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Mhm. A little, I think.” He responded, and they shared a small, tired smile. There were a few more beats of silence before Tenten picked herself up off the ground and extended a hand down to Neji. He took it, and once standing, she didn’t let go.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I love you too, y’know?” She confessed in a whisper, resting her forehead against his sternum. Neji felt as if a weight was lifted, as thought he could finally breathe again. He swallowed thickly, one hand cupping the base of Tenten’s neck and rubbing at the fine hairs there. It was down--out of it’s usual bun style with his late arrival. His other hand, still clasped in Tenten’s, squeezed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I want to be with you. Will you… perhaps forgive me, give me another chance to do this right?” She lifted her head to look at him, brows furrowed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“But your uncle--”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“My uncle can do as he pleases. I have long been critical of my family, and how they do things. I think it’s absurd to value a person based on their lineage or gender, or that one class of people is inherently better than the other. I...I want to live for me, not for my family, and I want to do what feels right for me. And being with you, Tenten, is the most right thing I’ve ever felt.” Tenten looks as though she might get emotional again, and he watches her valiantly hold back her tears.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Just know that it won't be easy. We’ll be… poor, for a while, until we can build up savings. And I’ll be gone, frequently, with missions. People will judge me, and you. You need to be sure, because once I announce my intentions to my uncle, there’s no going back, not for me.” Tenten listened to him intently, focused and serious, despite how sleepy he knew she was getting.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“There’s nothing that could ever make me not want to be with you, Neji. I’d follow you anywhere, give my life for you, if it came to it. Ride or die.” She was clasping his hand so tightly, and Neji knew that he’d made the right decision. He feels like, for the very first time, the lock that kept him caged was broken, cheesy as it sounds. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>He touches his forehead to hers, closes his eyes, and breathes.</i>
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